You Married Your Spouse, Not Everybody Else

When two people make marriage vows under Yahweh God, they are supposed to abide by what He set forth in the beginning.  In Genesis 2:24, the Lord laid it out quite plainly:

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." (NKJV)

This means that you two have become one unit. You have each other's backs and you work for the betterment of your marriage. Granted we can talk to friends and family for advice, especially if they are married, BUT that advice should never be anything that would be to the detriment of your marriage.

In Samson's case, he found himself marrying a woman who did not believe what he believed. She did not follow God the way that He followed God, but yet he chose to yoke himself to this woman. In these verses, he gave a riddle to the Philistine's, but the only way they could solve it was to coerce Samson's new wife. They threatened to do harm to her family (not her and Samson) if she could not trick Samson into producing the answer. In the end, the wife chose to pester him so much that he gave up the answer to the riddle, to which she in turn told the men of Philistine.

"Some wives will make themselves a burden to their husbands until they get what they want. This tactic is used because it often works in the short term; but it can poison the relationship and ends up costing more than it gains." --David Guzik

One might say that her family's life was threatened.  However, I would like to point out that she was married to the strongest man on the planet - Samson. She could've told her husband and he could have taken care of those who threatened her and her family. She made the choice to side with her people instead of supporting her husband. Again, David Guzik's study guide of Judges 14, sums up everything quite nicely:

"The willingness of Samson’s Philistine wife to side with her people against Samson shows a fundamental weakness in their marriage. She did not fulfill the idea essential to marriage of leaving one’s father and mother to be joined in a one flesh relationship to their spouse... Yet this also shows why it was wrong for Samson to marry a Philistine. We cannot expect someone who does not love the God of Israel to build a marriage on God’s principles."

People, when you marry, you dedicate your life to each other. You do not dedicate your life to each other and everyone else around you.  If you are to love each other until death do you part, then each needs to know that they have each other's back. Again, it is ok to seek advice of others, but it is up to you to not let that advice violate the tenants of your marriage.

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Love Is The Basis (Replay)

Good morning and I hope all is well with you.  Today, I am sharing a writing that I did back in May of 2008.  Yes, I know it was nearly six years ago, but it is just as relevant now as it was back then.  With Valentines day fast approaching, I figured it would be just as good of time as any to share.  Without further adieu, here we go.

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May 13, 2008

I hope that all is well with everyone this fine Tuesday morning! You know yesterday, my wife and I celebrated our 7th Wedding Anniversary and needless to say I am still alive and my wife has not taken me out yet :-). No but seriously, it is truly a blessing to be married and the both of you share the same affection, open lines of communication and at the core, pure love for each other.

We didn't do anything different than a normal day at all. Money is tight so we cooked at home like normal. At first it was quite disappointing and frustrating because in your brain, you wanted to go all out on your anniversary. You want to roll the kids out to a relatives house, and go have a good time with your husband or wife. That's what is always assumed you do, but sometimes life doesn't always lend itself to what you want to do when you want to do it. So while for a bit I was frustrated yesterday, I had to remember the reason why we got married in the first placed. It was love for each other. It wasn't to pawn off kids and have a good time. It was to form a union in the presence of God according to His season.

Let's go to the 1st Book of the Bible and Old Testament. In Genesis 2:24-25, it says 

(24) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (25) And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. 

In the beginning, it was God who set the rules. A man shall marry a woman and they shall be as one. Now verse 25 is the "nugget". It said, "..they were both naked....and were not ashamed". So here Adam and Eve are and all they have is their nakedness and each other. It didn't say, they were ashamed of what they didn't have. It didn't say they wished they be without the kids one night (I know there were no kids at this point, but work with me here) or wished to head out to the best and fanciest restaurant. It didn't say, they wished to sail down the Nile River on a yacht. It said, they had each other and was not ashamed. 

In the words of my daughter, Zion, "what does that mean?" Glad you asked. Let's flip to the 1st Book of the New Testament, Matthew. In chapter 22, verses 37-40, it says:

(37) Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. (38) This is the first and great commandment. (39) And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. (40) On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

We are to first place God at the head of our marriage and household. We are to love Him with every inch of our very existence. Second we are to love thy neighbour as thyself. Before your spouse was your spouse, they were your neighbour. If you couldn't love them from that standpoint then you were getting off on the wrong track any way.

You can have all the money in the world. You can have the largest house, nicest & fastest car, and all the richest friends in the world, but take them all away and what do you have left? You have God and each other. If the very existence and core of your marriage was not right from day one, then your marriage was predicated on the wrong things. At the end of the day, it's about the love you share for one another and how no one or nothing but God takes precedence over that.

Be blessed gang and have a good Tuesday!

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Antoine E. Hall

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Christians, You Misunderstand The Marriage Debate

Photo courtesy of Wikimedia.org

Right now as I write this entry, there is a debate going on somewhere in the United States.  The debate?  Well if you have not turned on a television in the past few hours, it is about same-sex marriage.  At this moment the US Supreme Court is discussing a case where a lady has sued to have a same-sex relationship recognized like a traditional marriage.  It is not just about the marriage, but all the full rights of a traditional marriage where the spouses receive benefits, insurance, tax breaks, etc.  However, at a time where the United States is in turmoil over who has the right to be married the debate is mostly misunderstood.

I am a follower of Christ and I believe that marriage should be between one man and one woman. The Bible says in Genesis 2:24: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”  This is my belief and I do not back down from it.  At the same time, those who do not believe the Bible as absolute truth will ignore this verse as they feel it does not pertain to them.  I get it.  I understand it.  Our starting point of understanding is totally different and as such there will not be an agreement.  My basis is in what God says.  Their bases is from their set of beliefs and values.  

In another camp, you have those who wish to have same-sex marriages recognized by the state and/or federal government.  They believe that they should be afforded the same rights as a married man and wife.  They believe they should have the same tax breaks, insurance coverage and benefits, as well as any other benefits afforded to a traditional married couple.  They desire to have the nation to accept them for who they are and give them the civil rights they deserve (although, I do not believe that this is a civil rights debate, but that is for another entry).  

What you end up having is this huge debate of different camps arguing about what’s right and what’s wrong - they are arguing about what the federal and state governments should allow and what should be sanctioned.  Christians are worried that, if laws change, many churches will be force to perform same-sex marriages which goes totally against the Word of God.  Those who are proponents of same-sex marriages feel that they are at the cusp of opportunity to be recognized with the same equal rights as others.  Everything is in a pure conundrum in this country.  However, let’s sit back for a minute. Let’s look at marriage for what it is today in the United States.

If you’ve noticed, everything that has been discussed is about the equal rights that are legally allowed by the government.  Looking at it for what it is, today’s marriage is an institution which is regulated by the government.  When I got married, I obtained a Marriage License.  Until recently it never dawned on me why I needed one other than it was apart of the process.  However, if you look at what has happened over history, you realize that something that was once a family only affair has turned into a permissioned based union by the government.

According to TheFreeDictionary.com, a marriage license is “a license authorizing two people to marry”.  If you go a step further, let’s look at the word license.  After doing a Google search, I found that a license is “[a] permit from an authority to own or use something, do a particular thing, or carry on a trade”.  In essence you have the government acting as the authority who is authorizing two people to legally enter into a union.  Theoretically, you would be breaking the law if you married someone without getting the authorization of a governing authority!  In addition, you would be breaking the law if you attempted to violate numerous marriage acts that were passed (some prohibiting the marriage of siblings, under aged, etc.).  How in the world did this happen?  How did the government become wrapped up in the legalities of marriage when men and women have been doing so since the beginning of time?

“For most of Western history, marriage was a private contract between two families. Until the 16th-century, Christian churches accepted the validity of a marriage on the basis of a couple’s declarations.”1  Prior to the 16th-century, a lot of marriages were arranged.  The families arranged the bride and groom and a ceremony process took place befitting for that culture.  In historical Jewish Marriage, it would start by the arrangement of the two to be married.  Next, the groom would have to pay money to the bride’s family for her and then the groom would go back to his father’s house to build a room for he and the new bride.  Once the room was completed, he would go back to get her, bring her home to the new room where they’d later consummate the marriage.  Pretty much that was it (I gave the abridged version, but I would encourage you to read my wife’s, The Bride of Christ and the Historical Jewish Marriage Significance).  

If you look at it for what it is, today’s form of “legalized marriage” is nothing more than a taxation and in returned you get “xyz” benefits from the license.  In a nutshell, that’s what you have.  Contrary to popular belief, the Supreme Court does not care what God says.  The Federal, state, and local governments do not care what church folk or conservatives believe is immoral or wrong.  When you marry, you receive a license that can be nullified at any moment because while you married your spouse, you were also given legal permission to do so by a third party.  As such, laws change and at the drop of the dime so can the definition of marriage according to man’s law and not God’s law.  Just because you go to a church and get married, you still are reminded by a Reverend to not forget to sign the marriage certificate, so it can be returned to the State.

People of God, you are pretty much approaching a debate with the wrong set of class notes.  Once man started to decide what was legal and illegal in regards to marriage, God was thrown out of the mix.  The laws are such that instead of paying a family for the bride, you pay the government for your bride.  We have lived this way for so many decades that we do not know anything different.  No one has ever asked why you need permission from someone other than parents to marry your spouse.  Satan is so clever that in the end you find yourself trying to defend the institution of marriage as defined by man and not God without even knowing it.

In conclusion, I encourage you to do your own research on the history of marriage. You might be amazed at what you find and you may realize that this battle is not yours to fight.

Be Blessed.

Antoine E. Hall

1. Wikipedia.com. “Marriage License”.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_license.

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The Bride of Christ and the Historical Jewish Marriage Significance

Image Courtesy of WikiMedia Commons

Often we hear “we are the bride of Christ”. Or “He will come back for a church/bride without spot or blemish.”. But what does that mean?

I would like to look deeper into this with you. But first, we must agree on some basic biblical truths:

• Jesus Christ is the bridegroom of His Ecclesia (church) (2 Corinthians 11:2) 
• The bible is true, without error, and used for correction and instruction (2 Tim 3:16-17)

Jesus told many parables regarding marriage during His time on earth. There are also that are foreshadowed and foretold in the old and new testament, respectively. But just reading them does the importance of the matter no justice. You have to know the historical background of the Jewish customs of marriage to fully understand. And, that is where I’d like to start, and “marry” the two (ha! Pun intended).

This historical Jewish marriage tradition was much more elaborate than how we in our “world” get married today. There were so many things to do, plans to make, payments and arrangements to confirm. But it all served a purpose. Now, let’s look at the steps that it took to get married, and how it correlates to the teachings of the Bridegroom/bride of Christ. For the Jewish tradition, we can look at Isaac’s marriage to Rebekah in the Old Testament in Genesis 24. Point to remember, Abraham’s servant is working on his behalf, as at this time, Abraham was too old to accomplish his responsibilities.

First the Shiddukhin or the match-up (Gen 24:50-51, context v1-51): The marriage was not the idea of the man and woman to be married like how it is now. It was arranged between families, often the fathers. However, sometimes the bridegroom did get to choose if He saw a bride that he liked and sometimes even loved. And marrying outside of your particular “kind” was taboo.

This should ring a couple of bells –  God draws and chooses the bride. Jesus being the bridegroom will only “marry” His “kind”.

Eph 1:4 (NLT) Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes.

John 6:37 (NLT) However, those the Father has given me will come to me, and I will never reject them.

1 Peter 1:13-16 - ¹³So think clearly and exercise self-control. Look forward to the gracious salvation that will come to you when Jesus Christ is revealed to the world. ¹⁴So you must live as God’s obedient children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn’t know any better then. ¹⁵But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. ¹⁶ For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy because I am holy.”^[c]

Second came the Eyrusin or “Betrothal”. A part of the betrothal was called the Kiddushin, which meant “set apart”. The Kiddushin or Betrothal is kind of like our “engagement” now days but the commitment is MUCH stronger, and much more meaningful. To be betrothed, was a covenant between the bridegroom and the bride to be to be set apart for each other and no one else. This is something that the bridegroom would initiate by leaving his father’s house to go to the bride. He would then ask the bride to be his, and the bride had to choose to accept. In this covenant, the bride (once approached) would agree to belong to the bridegroom, she wouldn’t give her heart to another. That covenant sealed the deal. In a sense, without all the pomp, they were already married. The only way the bridegroom  could get out of the covenant would be to “divorce” out of the covenant (Deut 24:1-4).

One of the major things that went on during the betrothal and before the bridegroom asked for the brides hand of marriage was the “Mohar” negotiation. The young woman was very valuable to her family. She often helped cook, clean etc around the home. To lose her, was a huge blow to the family. In order to make a fair “exchange” she had to be “paid for”. The payment that the young man’s father would make was called the “mohar”. Although the mohar went to the father of the bride, it really belonged to her.

How does this part relate to the bride of Christ? Let’s look at some scripture:

John 6:38-40 ³⁸For I have come down from heaven to do the will of God who sent me, not to do my own will. ³⁹And this is the will of God, that I should not lose even one of all those he has given me, but that I should raise them up at the last day. ⁴⁰For it is my Father’s will that all who see his Son and believe in him should have eternal life. I will raise them up at the last day.”

Here we see all three parts of the betrothal. Jesus leaves His home (coming down from Heaven) to come to the brides home (earth). His Father makes the arrangement (His will that none be lost). And the bride chooses to accept (all who believe).  Let’s look at another passage. Also to note, just like it was only the privilege of the bridegroom to break the covenant, so it is with the Father. He is the only one that will be able to break that covenant, but He is not a God of divorce. Thus, the promise of the Bride to His Son forever (eternal life).

Because of our sinful nature, we once belonged to a father. A vicious, brutal, murderous father. And we were VERY important to our father as we opened doors for him to hold on to more and more of his children.

John 8:43-45 ⁴³Why can’t you understand what I am saying? It’s because you can’t even hear me! ⁴⁴For you are the children of your father the devil, and you love to do the evil things he does. He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies. ⁴⁵So when I tell the truth, you just naturally don’t believe me!

Romans 1:32 (context v18-32) - They know God’s justice requires that those who do these things deserve to die, yet they do them anyway. Worse yet, they encourage others to do them, too.

The Father would need to pay a ransom to buy us from our father. It would cost a lot to let us go, and that is the price, the “mohar” that the bridegroom had to pay.

1 Peter 1:18-20 ¹⁸For you know that God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors. And the ransom he paid was not mere gold or silver. ¹⁹It was the precious blood of Christ, the sinless, spotless Lamb of God. ²⁰God chose him as your ransom long before the world began, but he has now revealed him to you in these last days.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 ¹⁹Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, ²⁰for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

Philippians 2:7-8 (KJV) ⁷But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: ⁸And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.  ***the “even” is very significant. Jesus just didn’t die. He didn’t get shot or stabbed for us. He died on a cross. That is important because dying on a cross was one of the most dishonorable way to die. Criminals died that way. Yet, the one who had committed no sin paid that price, to buy us back from our father so that we can be one with Him and His Father.****

So, after the betrothal and Mohar was paid, in my research, there were two things that happened.

The bridegroom and bride would both drink wine from the betrothal cup (much like our communion as found in Luke 22:18-20). And they would also exchange things (rings, gifts etc.)

They both would participate in the Mikveh - or Ritual Immersion signifying the spiritual cleansing of them both (much like our baptism into the faith Matt 28:19).

After these were complete, the customary next step would be for the son to leave. But, before he did, he would give his bride-to-be a small gift. This gift would be what she would keep to remind her of the commitment as well as remind her of him and his love for her until he returned. This gift was called the “Mantan”.

Christ’s Bride’s Mantan is this:

John 16:5-8 ⁵“But now I am going away to the one who sent me, and not one of you is asking where I am going. ⁶Instead, you grieve because of what I’ve told you. ⁷But in fact, it is best for you that I go away, because if I don’t, the Advocate[a] won’t come. If I do go away, then I will send him to you. ⁸And when he comes, he will convict the world of its sin, and of God’s righteousness, and of the coming judgment.” **The Advocate is another translation in the NLT for The Holy Spirit.

Ephesians 1:13-14 ¹³And now you Gentiles have also heard the truth, the Good News that God saves you. And when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own^[a] by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom he promised long ago. ¹⁴The Spirit is God’s guarantee that he will give us the inheritance he promised and that he has purchased us to be his own people. He did this so we would praise and glorify him.

During the time that the bridegroom is gone (the separation period), the bride would prepare herself for his return, and he would go to his father’s home and prepare a space for he and his bride to live. In biblical times, the bridegroom didn’t build a brand new home. Instead, he would build new rooms on to the already existing home of his father. After the father was satisfied that the living quarters were complete, the bridegroom was then able to go get his bride.

This also reflects what Christ said:

John 14:1-3 ¹“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. ²There is more than enough room in my Father’s home.^[a] If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you?^{[b] 3} When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.

Or, the more popular version (KJV): ¹Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. ²In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. ³And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

As far as the bride becoming ready:

Revelations 19:7-8 ⁷Let us be glad and rejoice, and let us give honor to him.For the time has come for the wedding feast of the Lamb, and his bride has prepared herself. ⁸She has been given the finest of pure white linen to wear.” For the fine linen represents the good deeds of God’s holy people.

Eph 5:25-27 - ²⁵For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ²⁶to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.^{[a] 27} He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.

Once the separation was over, and the father deemed the preparations to be in order for the bride to come. This would begin the “Nissuin” – or the wedding ceremony. The special thing about this in biblical times is that it came after much anticipation. Most separations lasted about a year. The bride knew that her bridegroom would be coming, but not the exact time or day. For this reason, she stayed ready, expecting his return at any moment. Usually, as the bridegroom approached the home of the bride, there would be a loud shout or announcement of his coming. This was done by one of his groomsmen. As he shouted through the streets a great crowd would follow, all shouting. Once he arrived for his bride, they once again drank from the cup, said their vows, and a huge celebratory banquet would ensue.

Matt 24:36-37 ³⁶“However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. ^[a] Only the Father knows. ³⁷“When the Son of Man returns, it will be like it was in Noah’s day.

Matt 25:13 “So you, too, must keep watch! For you do not know the day or hour of my return. (in context Matt 25:1-13).

Christ’s Return and wedding:

1 Thess 4:16 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the Christians who have died^[a] will rise from their graves.

Rev 19:7-9 ⁷Let us be glad and rejoice, and let us give honor to him. For the time has come for the wedding feast of the Lamb, and his bride has prepared herself. ⁸She has been given the finest of pure white linen to wear.” For the fine linen represents the good deeds of God’s holy people. ⁹And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb.” And he added, “These are true words that come from God.”

Amen.

+Deidra Hall
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For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory. Deut 20:4  Translation: We never lose!!

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